Posts Tagged ‘ family ’

Reluctant Motion Today

Not sure why I get so impatient and I start looking for escape routes the moment a person begins to talk about a past moment or how they are opposed to something.  It makes me feel trapped against my will.  I try to not feel that way, but I still do.

Not sure why I have a hard time keeping touch with people, but I do.

I feel like social activity is noise which blurs our own vision.  Yet, I experience loneliness while alone and I feel guilt for being reclusive.

It is as if there are feelings or forces that are not there to make sure you are where you ought to be, but only that you continue moving.

Not sure, not sure, not sure…. but I will continue moving.


The Human Inside

All of our minds are conditioned to operate and communicate in the collective agreed reality, which is a well developed top down system. This system is developed to limit perception for all entities below the top level, which controls all other entities. For most, this translates to a life of suffering and confusion. There is no need to feel offended by this fact. All that is left to do is to decide where to go from here. Thankfully, many are choosing to go inward, toward the eye of the storm. They are finding peace within, where the reasons for strife disappear. In these experiences, we may strip away the accessories of our mind to find the human inside.

The Cattle World

Imagine you are from another world and you are gathering information of earth and humans. How would it strike you to find out that we spend most of our resources and energy on protecting ourselves from eachother? What low level life forms we act like, despite our highly evolved physical bodies. Survival is step one and we should be well beyond step one. Most people are so full of fear and/or pride that they refuse to change frequencies. They believe a system can manage the way we remain and that we will never move forward. With that belief, they will be right. We will become more and more, the cattle on the farm. Owned and dominated in every aspect by those who are no more evolved than ourselves. What a mess.

Shift from Fear into Awareness

Inner peace manifests outer peace.  There is no other way to reach it.

Our collective efforts show that we are depending on enforcement to bring us peace, though we are seeing that it can only provide temporary security at best.  Institutions of enforcement use fear to promote our dependency of their services.  The irony is; the only thing we would ever have to provide security against are those who are driven by non peaceful archetypes, such as fear (hint hint).  Our resources are heavily spent combating the result of fear, while providing more and more fear.  We are trying to put out fires with flame throwers.   We must find ways which enable others to exist with peace in themselves and rid them of their fear of each other.
Security is a concept that can only exist through fear.  It is a necessary result of that fear if that is the operating system.  However, by changing the operating system from fear to awareness; we change our goal from security to peace.  Very similar in meaning, though completely opposite as archetypes.


The external state of the world is a direct result of the internal state of our own being.

Fear and judgement gives us war and law enforcement.

Awareness and understanding gives us peace and balance.

We have the option to choose.

Through Your Eyes – Reflections

ImageI saw my reflection through your eyes.  I can see who I am through you.  Not just an ideal that I have of myself, but who I am being.  It would matter little, what I was internally, if it was not manifested externally.  I needed mirrors to see.

The walls of fear came crashing down in a magnificent display of destruction and now my spirit is free.  My ego witnessed this with great humility.  There was a shift in my consciousness and the world revealed itself in a brand new way.

I turn around and my heart torments me for those spirits who are not free.  Dominated by ego, the self gratification of their pride and confidence is created by appeasing the judgements and expectations of those who were conditioned in the same way.  They become little more than the results of selfish and fearful motives that are not even their own, until they are inherited.  Once inherited, it is reinforced to everyone they come in contact with.  It is perpetual self imprisonment.

I reject my awareness.  Now I have to witness the truth.  It is a truth I have always felt, but now I can not deny it in any shape or form.  I do not want this pain of compassion.  I resent my freedom, though I know I would never choose to go back…  Then I understood that it all comes down to choice.  It has to be a choice to be free.  That is, after all, the essence of freedom.

I will continue to shine a light at the door for those who are ready to choose.  There are many of us who do this.  We have motives, but they are not motives of power or control.  We are not driven by fear.  This is the result of non-selective love, which is our next evolutionary frequency.  Expect your ego to be terrified, though there is nothing to fear.

Sleep Paralysis

I have not posted anything in a few weeks because of a realization…

After some life changing events, I have realized that all of my posts have simply been a part of me talking to another part of me.  I have been encouraging myself and using my blog as a way to hear myself over the noise of the world.  It all happened after a vision I had the night before I started this blog;

Archive – 06/01/2012:

“Last night I followed a mysterious old man through shallow water.  He led me to an island and told me the people were praying for this land.  I gazed at the beautiful island in awe as the old man continued walking out of sight.  There were a few trees growing up through the flowing tall grass that glistened in the light rays shining through the clouds drifting overhead.  My trance was broken by a black fish that was so large I could see neither head nor tail.  I climbed onto the island to escape the danger but the fish began to flap wildly against the shore.  The land shook and rocked forward and back until it flipped completely over.  The beautiful land was now a lifeless muddy plain.  The fish was there and had grown legs and was much smaller.  I ran toward him with violent intentions.  Just then, the old man appeared and said the fish was not my enemy.  Then I woke up.”    – end archive – 06/01/2012

After that vision I was filled with a new energy that was so strong my ego had to take a back seat to it.   It feels as if I surrendered my ego and allowed my spirit to carry me to where I am now.  Originally I thought I was trying to wake people up and share what I thought was good and helpful with everyone.  I now know that I was simply trying to get up.  Have you ever woke from a deep sleep and not been able to move?  It was just like that, but with my entire life.  I was looking for the courage to believe in what I saw when others around me did not see.  I was still trapped by the judgements of the people who seemed to have figured out that life is just what is in front of us.  I was trapped by my fear.  I was afraid to walk away from the matrix by myself.

Archive – 06/08/2012:  This post shows my fear and justifications for staying in the matrix.

“I want out of this systematic way of life, but I do not see the way.  I head for the direction out but it is always blocked.  I would live in a tree by a lake.  It would not be a community, just a place I could exist.  I would grow a garden and fruit bearing trees.  I would not be too busy for my daughter everyday and stressed out every night. I would not worry about having leaders with power hungry agendas. I would not worry about the poison being spread through food supplies, water, air, entertainment and news.  I would not fear about the instability of an economy based on debt as a means to slavery.  I would not worry about all the obligations and expectations of a blinded herd.  But right now I still worry and fear all of those things. There is no plot of land that is safe from the intentions of the elite and the reckless reactions of the herd.  I can not opt out of this madness, I can only face it and stand my ground.”    -end archive 06/08/2012

When using fear as an operating system, nothing makes sense and it is very difficult to achieve anything.  I no longer fear those things.  I expect them.  It is all a part of the process and even dying is an illusion.  Sleep paralysis has passed.  I am now walking.

It felt as though I had covered an incredible distance, until I found myself at a new beginning.  A freshman to the real world, I realized I had just started my journey.  The lessons continue and I am still discovering many things about myself and this world.  My experiences in the matrix still haunt me.  Though I am recovering, it is still hard for me to enjoy myself the way I naturally would in everyday life.  I saw horrible things that triggered a warrior-like response in my ego.

Archive – 05/22/2012:

“Returning home from Iraq was like trying to return to sleep.  Everybody was happy and proud of me.  They wanted to celebrate by drinking and going out.  They talked about shoes and pop stars.  Famous rich girls who slept around were idolized.  Rappers who promoted materialism and degraded women were heroes.  Everybody needed one more thing to be happy, just one more thing, just one more thing… but they were never happy.  I had to hold myself back.  I was about to release way too much energy that I did not fully understand.  It formed as rage, but I held it back.

When I close my eyes I am there again.  One place in particular.  Silence in the middle of chaos.

But don’t go back there!  You are home and now you can make your life good.  You have a family and a daughter now!

My Daughter, who can always see behind my eyes.  She is awake.  I have to go back, or she will always see that burning in me.  I have to.

I close my eyes again.  I am holding a little girl who can’t breath.  One leg is open to the bone.  Everybody is moving so fast but they don’t see us.  What do I do?  I don’t know.  That man was missing his face.  Is this real?  Why is it silent?  I have seen this in a movie, I knew this was real.  What am I doing here?  What about this girl?  I had nobody to hand her to.  I had nowhere to run.  I looked in her eyes and I was given something that I can not return.

That happened in 2007.  This is the third time I posted it on here, the other 2 I deleted.  I don’t know why.  Since I have been facing it, without letting fear push it away, I have felt a great increase of clarity in all aspects of my life. I understand what it means for somebody like me to see what I have seen.  It is good to say what you really need to say.  It is even better to be who you really need to be.  Only you can know for yourself.”   – end archive 05/22/2012

I could not smile or laugh genuinely because it was inappropriate while war is waged and poison is in everything we consume physically and mentally.  I never felt at home anywhere, never took the time or effort to make myself comfortable, never wished to feel good.  I did not want to be like the blissful and ignorant, so I over-corrected.  I could only wish for those who were suffering at the intentional hands of control.  I felt guilty and undeserving whenever anything good happened to me.  Even though I was waking up, I had built a secret prison for myself.  An amazing woman showed me the door and gave me the key.  I have yet to leave this prison for good, though I am thankful to come and go as I please for now.

The path ahead is full of wonder and potential.  Thank you for traveling with me.  Thank you for reflecting the worth of these words, making it easier for me to trust myself.  I may or may not continue to post, simply because I accomplished what this was intended to accomplish.  A new chapter is beginning now.  These words, thoughts, and intentions have manifested a new world for me to exist in.  I encourage all of you to focus on the power of your own thoughts and intentions.  The truth of your potential is mind blowing.  I love you all.

One last archive – 06/07/2012

“How do you reverse the effects of deliberate mind conditioning? It is a process that is never complete. I am still working on my own. The first step is realizing the extent of the conditioning. Your ego and constructed identity will fight this process to protect the structure it created. You can temper the ego and identity by reminding it that it is not under attack, it is just getting some renovation. At the same time, be aware of what makes you offended and what actions you find yourself justifying. The ego can reveal parts of the structure that were built on false truths that require justifications to keep it together. Let go of the justifications and watch how easily that part of the structure falls away. Now you have a clean slate to rebuild with greater awareness than you originally had. Repeat this process everyday in all aspects of your life no matter how big or small. You will only get better at this process so long as you are self reliant with courageous honesty. Question everything and see with your own eyes. Good luck, I am excited for you!”


A simple overview of what we face.

We are a culture driven by fear. This reduces our actions to obligations and it perpetuates itself further and further until we have no choice left. This is because; everything is energy, even our thoughts. Since we are perceptual beings, we perceive the duality of our energy as love and fear instead of positive and negative. Fear is the energy of destruction. Love is the energy of creation. When fear dominates our thoughts we collectively generate a massive amount of destructive energy. This is simple logic and the entities that govern, teach, medicate, enforce law and broadcast our news certainly understand this concept. When we have choice, instead if obligation, it becomes very difficult to control and exploit us. Inheritly, that reduces our dependency on those entities which is the last thing they would ever want. This is a power struggle and if we continue the path we have been on, fear will dominate us to the point of no return. Or we can let go of our fears in order to create something better than this. We can make that choice as individuals, driven by the love of a better world, not by the fear of a terrible world. It starts as a personal choice which is your light to cast on the darkness. Let’s shine bright together.


Of all the things i can see in myself, by myself, exploring fearlessly through the darkest areas of my psyche…
without your reflection, I can only be lost.

Unlimited Fulfillment

Life is too short to live in a hurry. Experience every moment for all its worth and you will never have a reason to feel the slightest bit empty.

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