Pain Angers Pain
Pain transmutes to anger
Anger inflicts pain
Which is, in turn
Transmuted back to anger
Messages to Myself
Internal Guidance
Posts Tagged ‘ pain ’
Now is Never
We only experience the transition or movement of states, but we may never experience the current state. Movement is the code of time and space and all that we can perceive here.
Now is a moment between memory and speculation. It exists in a space that is nonexistent. There is no time for now because all of the movement, which is time itself, will not stop in it’s path to rest a moment to allow there to be such a thing as now. We are always becoming warmer or colder, older, taller, more tired, more energized, richer or poorer, happier or sadder, etc. So, as much as we want to “be”, we can only “become” and all of the things/ideas we attach ourselves to will always come into reach for some time before going back out of reach at varying frequencies. The moment when that attachment is halfway out the door feels completely different than the moment when that attachment is halfway in the door, even though, in that moment the state is the same, it is only the motion, the energy of the current state, that is relevant to our perception. It is our attachments that create resistance to the motion which is interpreted as pain, fear and stress.
The Process
Constant self destruction for constant self renewal, collectively and individually, is the process.
Everything is right on track. Do not dwell on the current state. Smile for the process and the genius of its design.
Our only option is choice
I still hear people arguing that we are just physically responding to stimuli and we have no real choice of what we do.
I know this is not true because of what I experience, despite what I have been told.
For example;
We have Australian Shepherds in this place I have come to call home. About three months ago one of them, Zoe, had puppies. My daughter got a little bit too close to her face and Zoe snapped at her and drew blood on her lip. I picked up my daughter and carried her away from Zoe and toward the bathroom to clean her up. As we ventured down the hallway I felt this horrible rage build up inside of me. The energy of it was incredibly strong and I was perplexed that what I felt was contradicting to what I thought and chose to do. I realize that there were many other stimuli I was feeling at the moment, probably too many to even calculate, but the rage was definitely the dominant stimulus. It is a good thing that the majority rule did not apply in this case, as the majority was screaming for war. Reacting to stimuli would have brought the story to a different ending. We feel things for reasons but we should not be a victim to everything we feel as we learn to be conscious of our choices.
This is not saying that we should always go against what we feel. It is saying that we feel many things and we are interpreting many different stimuli at any given moment. This leads me to realize that our only option is choice in light of all the variables. This realization requires me to feel responsible for my actions as well, which we know we should be.
Attachment Pain
Mental pain is often caused when being forced to detach from an expectation.
It is our own attachment to our own expectations that hurt us more than what’s external.
Pain is a Guide
Pain drives change
Change is evolution
Pain is not your enemy, it is your reason. It guides growth to where it should grow.
Family Disputes
The leaders of nations plot and scheme behind closed doors. They strategize to gain or keep the upper hand. When conflicts appear, ultimatums are set and war is waged. There is little reason to trust in these games. They are like children who have yet to learn about conflict resolution. Ironically, the people act as the parents, shouting at the children to stop fighting and resolve the matter the right way. Stop being so attached to the toy in your hand and share with your brothers and sisters. Do not forget to love your brothers and sisters. Do not forget that they ARE your brothers and sisters, all of them. If one is angry with you, it is not right to combat that anger with greater anger. That will leave the situation unresolved and it will grow in strength over time. If we are ever to be a healthy family, we will first have to fully accept that we are, indeed, a family.
Much love to ALL who are suffering from the experiences of war. Things are going to change, inevitably. Let’s steer that change somewhere beautiful.
The Desert
Returning home from Iraq was like trying to return to sleep. Everybody was happy and proud of me. They wanted to celebrate by drinking and going out. They talked about shoes and pop stars. Famous rich girls who slept around were idolized. Rappers who promoted materialism and degraded women were heroes. Everybody needed one more thing to be happy, just one more thing, just one more thing… but they were never happy. I had to hold myself back. I was about to release way too much energy that I did not fully understand. It formed as rage, but I held it back.
When I close my eyes I am there again. One place in particular. Silence in the middle of chaos.
But don’t go back there! You are home and now you can make your life good. You have a family and a daughter now!
My Daughter, who can always see behind my eyes. She is awake. I have to go back, or she will always see that burning in me. I have to.
I close my eyes again. I am holding a little girl who can’t breath. One leg is open to the bone. Everybody is moving so fast but they don’t see us. What do I do? I don’t know. That man was missing his face. Is this real? Why is it silent? I have seen this in a movie, I knew this was real. What am I doing here? What about this girl? I had nobody to hand her to. I had nowhere to run. I looked in her eyes and I was given something that I can not return.
That happened in 2007. This is the third time I posted it on here, the other 2 I deleted. I don’t know why. Since I have been facing it, without letting fear push it away, I have felt a great increase of clarity in all aspects of my life. I understand what it means for somebody like me to see what I have seen. It is good to say what you really need to say. It is even better to be who you really need to be. Only you can know for yourself.
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Messages to Myself 