Posts Tagged ‘ war ’

Peace and freedom coexist

Peace and freedom contradict each other when sought as an external gift to be received. It must be found internally before it can manifest externally.

The Desert

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Returning home from Iraq was like trying to return to sleep.  Everybody was happy and proud of me.  They wanted to celebrate by drinking and going out.  They talked about shoes and pop stars.  Famous rich girls who slept around were idolized.  Rappers who promoted materialism and degraded women were heroes.  Everybody needed one more thing to be happy, just one more thing, just one more thing… but they were never happy.  I had to hold myself back.  I was about to release way too much energy that I did not fully understand.  It formed as rage, but I held it back.

When I close my eyes I am there again.  One place in particular.  Silence in the middle of chaos.

But don’t go back there!  You are home and now you can make your life good.  You have a family and a daughter now!

My Daughter, who can always see behind my eyes.  She is awake.  I have to go back, or she will always see that burning in me.  I have to.

I close my eyes again.  I am holding a little girl who can’t breath.  One leg is open to the bone.  Everybody is moving so fast but they don’t see us.  What do I do?  I don’t know.  That man was missing his face.  Is this real?  Why is it silent?  I have seen this in a movie, I knew this was real.  What am I doing here?  What about this girl?  I had nobody to hand her to.  I had nowhere to run.  I looked in her eyes and I was given something that I can not return.

That happened in 2007.  This is the third time I posted it on here, the other 2 I deleted.  I don’t know why.  Since I have been facing it, without letting fear push it away, I have felt a great increase of clarity in all aspects of my life. I understand what it means for somebody like me to see what I have seen.  It is good to say what you really need to say.  It is even better to be who you really need to be.  Only you can know for yourself.

Is fear an effective tool to reach morality?

Would you be a moral person if your reasoning to be moral was only from fear of consequences? Would your true sense of right and wrong fade away because it is no longer used? If somebody is religious just so they won’t go to hell or wherever, what good is that? Why is fear our primary tool instead of culture and education? Why is this not obvious? Look at where money gets spent and it is clear that we are banking on fear rather than education and culture. Maybe people have lost hope in themselves and others. We punish rather than nourish and are convinced that more punishment will fix the lack of nourishment.  It is all backwards…

You are not my enemy.

Last night i followed a mysterious old man through shallow water. He led me to an island and told me the people were praying for this land. I gazed at the beautiful island in awe as the old man continued walking out of sight. There were a few trees growing up through the flowing tall grass that glistened in the light rays shining through the mountains of clouds drifting overhead. My trance was broken by a large black fish that was so large i could see neither head nor tail. Fearfully I climbed onto the island to escape the danger but the fish began to flap wildly against the shore. The land shook and rocked forward and back until it flipped completely over like a flap jack.  The beautiful land was now a lifeless muddy plain. The fish was there and had grown legs and was much smaller so i ran toward him with violent intentions. Just then, the old man appeared and said the fish was not my enemy. Then I woke up. I would love to hear interpretations…

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